Perspectives...

The other night, I was sitting at Terry's softball game and I was carefully watching how other families were interacting. There were some people behind me discussing the birth of someone's nephew, parents coming to stay with them, and more discussion on the birth of each of their children. Families are great, aren't they?

There were so many different kinds of families there. Couples who had been together so long they even dressed alike. Couples that were newer together. More than a few families where mom and dad sat on opposite sides of the field - definitely NOT together! These parents were cheering their children on, encouraging them, and praising them for each hit or run.

A couple of the players siblings were on the sidelines too - begging for parents attention. "Dad, come play with me!" or "How do you spell...??" Dads would go play for a few minutes, but then remind the child that they were here to watch the game.

Did I mention that these games take FOREVER to get through?? Did I also mention that there has yet to be a warm day when they play? I have finally resorted to packing a sleeping bag in the back of the van for the days that I go watch. I'm still trying to understand the excitement and euphoria that others claim to feel for this game. It just doesn't hold any draw for me. But I go, to be supportive and watch Terry's excitement when he does get a hit. Okay - I admit when that event does happen I feel the swell of joy and pride for my boy - but other than that, I'm just freezing my butt off at the side of the field.

But back to the people watching...

I especially love watching the way these small players interact with their parents. They are still young enough that they cry when they get hurt, and nothing feels better in that moment than a mom's warm hug and soothing words. I've witnessed this more than once. I've done this for Terry more than once. Course the flip side is that they are also old enough to be embarrassed by the show of affection. I mean, what guy wants his teammates seeing him get some cuddling on the sidelines?

I wish that I'd had the ability to do something like this for my older kids. But back then, we were so poor and I was so tired from working that I just didn't have it in me to give. They bring it up once in awhile - but truthfully - none of them really expressed a deep desire to participate in any sport type activities. Maybe they knew I just couldn't - I'll have to ask them.

Our family would have been one of the ones where parents sat on opposite sides of the field - making the kids both relieved at our presence, and torn in their loyalty. Every one of our children experiences this still. Six of them have step-parents and two of them have entire other "birth family". Sadly, we have failed at making this work as a joint parenting venture. There is much competition for loyalty from other parents, siblings and even some grandparents. Of course, if we could have all gotten along, none of us would be in this new family that we've created!

For me, having grown up in much the same circumstance as my own kids, I can honestly say that I wouldn't trade my experiences away. Most of them were not pleasant - not even happy - but they made me who I am. I grew stronger because of those times. I learned that it was okay to love more than one parent at a time - love is unlimited. I also learned how to handle things that break others down. I learned how to solve problems, learned to cope with what I could not solve.

Our family life now is far from perfect - but we're trying. We've worked hard on not letting the kids divide us or manipulate us. We've purged a few people who don't deal well with change. We've taken advice from successful families, and stopped listening to those who are full of advice, but simply don't understand the intricacies of a blended family. I don't know what the future holds for us, but I know that what we're building here is worth it.